God, we suck.

I realized today that, just like the older generations have been telling us for years, our generation's popular music sucks.

My first concert was Ringo Starr and his All Starr Band in the early 90's. For those that don't know, even in my elementary school years I was a huge Beatles freak. Luckily this safeguarded me from listening to things like Boys II Men and... well... I'm trying to think of something else from the early 90's that was popular but I can't, wanna know why? Because none of it was memorable! I was too young to know what Nirvana was when it was popular which is one of the least regrettable things about my musical childhood. The most regrettable thing about my childhood is that it didn't happen in the 60's and early 70's like oh, I don't know, my parents. Who probably don't even know how lucky they are to not have had to listen to the same shit I did in my formative years. Thank god for KBSG and their old record collection.

Tonight my parents and I went to see Ringo again at a winery. Joining Ringo this time around was Edgar Winter, Rick Derringer, Gary Wright, Richard Page and Wally Palmer. When Richard Page was introduced, mid-set as the former lead singer of Mr. Mister, that shitty ass song by Train got stuck in my head! "Hey soul sister... aaaain't that Mr. Mister on the raaaaadio..." Yes! It probably was! So thanks for making shitty music about good music so that every time I think of the good music I think of your stupid stupid song, you WHORE! *ah-hem* Where was I... Oh yes... the concert...

Now, if you're picturing a bunch of drunk, aging hippies dancing strangely in the pale moonlight, you would be correct. My favorite person of the whole night (and there were many) was a guy about my parents age. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and if I had seen him in any other venue I would have thought "This distinguished looking older gentleman is probably someone's boss..." For most of the concert he was keeping it together, but after what was probably a bottle of wine he started yelling "PLAY OCTOPUS'S GARDEN!!! PLAAAAAAY OCTOPUS'S GAAAAARDEEEEN!!!!" So if you have an intimidating superior at work, just know that there is probably one musician that person would see in concert where they would end up screaming and jumping up and down requesting a song... see if that doesn't do something for your nerves in that next staff meeting.

For all of my 20-something brethren, who may not know who Edgar Winter is: You're 20-something so this means that you've seen Dazed and Confused. Ya know that scene where all those teenagers are driving in the car in their bellbottoms listening to "Free Ride" and it makes you just want to take a road trip with your buddies and get into a bunch of trouble because the song just taps into that part of your brain that makes you want to make memories that you will tell your kids about some day when they think you're just some fucking lame-o? That's Edgar Winter making you feel that way. He's singing "Free Ride" - he's also incredibly ugly, a certified albino and has a very lispy, very effeminate voice. His music is so good that he didn't have to resort to being a DMV employee or circus freak - he got to be a musician based on TALENT! IMAGINE!

Now think about the songs you hear on the radio every day and ask yourself - how many of these artists do you want to see in concert with your children 30 years from now? If my kids find out that I even knew who Justin Bieber was I would threaten them with the orphanage if they ever said a word about it. If I catch my children listening to Fall Out Boy, it will be on par with catching them with cocaine in their sock drawer. The only saving grace will be that by that point, music will be so much shittier that it will probably be an improvement. Do you want to see Rhianna perform when she's 70? No. At least I don't.

Aside from Ringo I have never gotten to experience a concert that I would hope to one day brag to my kids about. "Mommy saw Panic at the Disco live in 2006!"... "Who?"... Kurt Cobain was dead before I knew who he was. Pearl Jam didn't appeal to me until it was too late to see them all in concert together. AC/DC and Guns and Roses were broken up before I even got started listening to Raffi. To prove this point, I went through my iTunes play list, made it to L, and then gave up. My cat started hacking something up and I took it as a sign. "Stop here... don't anger yourself any further."

Of course, on my way to "L", I passed all kinds of great music from my parents generation. I love hearing my mom talk about the first time she saw the Beatles on TV. Or when she got to see Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. (AND YOUNG!!) God forbid my children ask me who I remember seeing performing music on Saturday Night Live. Um... Ashley Simpson because she fucked up so horribly? Alicia Keys who then basically fell off the face of the earth? Uggggh. "Hey Mom, what song did you dance with dad to at prom" - "Oh, it was 'All My Life' by K-Ci and Jojo... the same one they'd been playing for slow dance fare since I was in 6th grade... they just kept relying on that and played it into the ground..." Do you know how many people actually make that their wedding song?! I'd probably just walk out. "Thanks for the free food, enjoy your marriage, please don't procreate and make more people with poor taste! I'm going to go walk into traffic now, buhbye!"

For my generation, the only timeless thing we seem to have is comedic movies. I'm fairly certain that my children will be quoting The Hangover to me. My friend at work told me that her daughter was quoting Ace Ventura Pet Detective and it warmed my heart. Try to find someone my age who can't quote Tommy Boy with you for about 10 minutes straight... and that movie came out over 10 years ago! I will say that our cartoon shows were WAY better than our parents as well. The early 90's was prime time for cartoons and anyone my age will passionately agree. Everything before? Shit. Everything after? Shit. Or however you say "shit" in Spanish thanks to that overly educational bore Dora the Explorer. So I guess we have that too...

I really hope I'm wrong. But I just spent an evening listening to great music and now I'm pissed. I should have "Dreamweaver" stuck in my head and instead it's "Hey Soul Sister" because one of the performers was the lead singer of Mister Mister. That in itself proves how fucked up the state of music is. My hope is that one day soon, something great will come along that I can lay generational claim to. But until then, I just have to hope that Ringo Starr turns into a cyborg and lives until he's 100 so I can take MY kids to see him. Only then will I feel like any justice has been done and that my generation will not go down in history as a waste of creativity. My only suggestion is to do what my friend Julia has done for years, quit listening to something as soon as it makes it onto popular radio. So, stick to the underground artists that actually make good music and only come up for air when Eddie Vedder is touring or to check if Ringo Starr is a robot yet.