Backseat: Where Curry Goes To Die

So, Dad opted not to go to the Fremont Fair as the weather was crap (thank yoooou Seattle!) so, instead, we opted for brunch, a tour around the cemetery and reconnaissance mission in my car for something that smelled like death.

First of all, don't act like you've never let a smell go too long in the back of your car. In all seriousness I had a 14 year old hooker stay in my car for a night, smoke a Marlboro and leave her clothing there and the only reason I noticed was that the pants in the passenger seat were far too small to be mine. I live in a strange neighborhood and it was a 1990 Toyota Camry. Locking the door isn't even worth it.

I told Dad that I didn't want to drive because something smelled like rotten pickle in my car and I was planning on leaving the task of finding the offending object/food product until that evening... at the earliest. After a lovely day he dropped me off and, as I feared, we pulled into a parking spot and he insisted that we look through my backseat for whatever could be back there that smelled like pure evil.

First of all, let's not pretend that none of us know how this game works:

Day 1 - you leave your leftover lunch in the back seat of your car because "Well, I'm going to Target later, I'll take it out then" or "well it's not THAT warm out here so it's basically the same as refrigerating it, right?" Then you promptly forget because it gets too dark and you don't want to run into your neighbor that drives the Trans Am and has a molestache. Or it's too cold and late and you don't want to go outside in your pajamas causing said neighbor to judge your clothing choices. You decide it can wait until tomorrow.

Day 2 - you have blissfully forgotten about your leftover lunch and you get in the car in the morning sensing nothing amiss. In fact - you car kinda smells like lunch from yesterday... very strange. You return to your car after work and wonder what that strange-ish odor is. You don't remember smelling anything before.

Day 3 - Hmmm... you don't remember it smelling bad in here yesterday and suddenly today there's something strange smelling in the air. Oh well. Maybe it's nothing. Hopefully you just stepped on something. I mean, the trunk leaks, right? Of course it'll smell funny. Let's leave it until tomorrow when we're going back to Target to buy that thing that we intended to get but didn't get because you got distracted looking at clothing, buying cosmetics and playing with the children's toys for an hour. Yes, we'll take care of it this evening.

Day 4 - You forgot to go to Target. It's too late. Something is seriously wrong here. What could it be?! It doesn't smell like food (anymore) and the source is completely untraceable. But you don't have the heart to turn around and discard your garbage. It won't stink any less later. That afternoon you go out to your car and check your backseat. You check it, not because your best friend Molly instilled in you a deep-seated fear that every vacant car back seat is harboring a rapist with a knife, but because you are afraid to check if whatever stinks has grown teeth and a tail and has started to chew on your leather interior.

Days 5 - 10 - Just drive with the windows down. Tell everyone your car is out of gas, your check engine light is on, anything to keep people out of it. Whatever it is will mold over and stop stinking in just a few days. Just wait it out. It will fossilize, you'll dig it up later and you'll be an archaeological hero.

Day 11 - Dad-shame. He bought you that car for graduation. From college. Where you should have learned responsibility and cleanliness. How did Felisha put up with you Freshman year without killing you or suffocating on errant garbage... The object is found and disposed of by dad. Try not to notice that it's liquified curry... just let him walk it to the dumpster... promise yourself that you'll never leave food in the car again.

This is much better than coming very close to getting a baby mole lost in your engine, but I'll tell that story next time.