Because you'll learn enough about me later on I'll start you off with this little tidbit. I live in Seattle. Famous for many things but foremost in my mind - The Naked Bicyclists of Fremont. This weekend is the fair that their sagging testicles and bike chains fear all year - the Solstice Fair.
I should preface this by saying that this event was traumatizing for me and I haven't been since I was about 7. I got lost there and basically let my mind wander to a place where I'd spend the rest of my day lost at the Fremont Fair where my friend's mother would never come looking for me and I'd be taken in by a family of hippies who would raise me to eat flax seed and granola and live in a treehouse not just in the summer when it would be awesome but in the fucking winter and I started crying. Someone took pity on me and helped me find my friend and her mom. They pacified me with an elephant ear, but my opinion of the Fremont district and it's hippie gatherings had been sullied for life.
So what does dad want to do for Father's Day tomorrow? Go to brunch (yay pancakes/omelets/hashbrowns/random lunch foods/apple juice!) and then to the Fremont Fair (nooo hippies/hemp jewelry/flaxseed cookies/testicles and/in bike chains.) Dad is busy doing grown up adult things most of the time so I'm not sure that he's aware of what we're going to be witness to tomorrow. Instead of saying "No Dad, there will be naked people... like people you don't want to see naked... on bicycles tomorrow." So I'm winging it.
Since I don't own a calendar and made plans with Dad on mothers day, I spent my entire day with my mom today. We got ourselves caffeined up and went to go see Date Night (I know we're really late on this one, but I'm sure as hell not going to watch Letters to Juliet.) I now understand where I get my juvenile sense of humor because anytime someone said "vagina" during the movie (which is A LOT!!!) we would both dissolve laughing. We both have them. Why was it so damn funny?! I don't know but I just spent 90 full seconds typing this sentence because I was thinking about vagina.
Tomorrow will likely involve a post about what happens when a 65 year old man with testicles like oranges in a tube sock gets said testicles stuck in a bike chain and you witness this in the presence of your father.
So, an entire post about genitalia related incidents and my parents. I can't guarantee it will get better from here.
I think about vagina for at least 90 hrs a day. Oh wait. A day only contains 24hrs.. You might be safe, wasn't the parade yesterday? I think the freaks on bikes are gone.
ReplyDeleteTotally didn't go thank god. And vagina is pretty fascinating on its own but it's like catnip to lesbians lol
ReplyDeleteI had forgotten about the naked people on bikes - not a big deal. Understand, I was at the UofW when the streaking craze went viral. They always pick a time of year when it's a little chilly, which is pretty dumb for the guys. Watch a scared gopher some time and you'll get the picture. Those with fragile egos should just keep their clothes on.
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